The Baconist Directive
A new religion, an ancient way of life
I have been hearing good things about starting a cult for years now, and since I ever endeavor to embrace ‘good things?’ I have decided to give it a go.
Feel free to join. There are no dues, no slavish rituals, no kowtowing to the demands of The Glorious Leader (largely because I am a few shades removed from ‘glorious,’ and also way too lazy for all those mind-control shenanigans). No no, my friends - there is only the simple text below, our Sacred Text.
As it is written, so shall it be…
The Sacred Text
There is but one Law in Baconism, and it is absolute, the entirety of the Law.
Adhere to this Law, preserving and defending it, our most glorious right, and you too shall be a treasured member of the Baconist Cult.
The Law is as follows…
By taste and smell and memory, being a source of peerless joy bestowed by Providence, the right of the people to prepare and consume Bacon shall not be infringed.
Now go forth, my culinary kindred, and may the love of Bacon - and may Bacon itself - be ever in you.
Literally.
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Notes
-- As this is a VERY short piece, it is a Web-Only Drop.
-- Unless otherwise credited, all images were generated by the author via NightCafe, Grok 3 [X], or Substack’s AI Image Tool, with digital alterations when desired or needed.
-- Any memes created by the author will have a “The Stone Age” watermark attached; all other memes were snatched from various sources on the Internet.
I have found my people! Just had 3 delicious slices of pig fat with my heavily buttered (real butter only) scrambled eggs with cheese this morning.
And, as one who has studied nutrition for 25+ years that cholesterol from fatty foods rhetoric is BS.
My cholesterol numbers are “naturally” high. Record breaking track athlete at 18 years old and my first blood work was 225 total. Today it’s 240. All my good cholesterol is off the charts and bp is 110/63. Anyhoo, ain’t none of us gettin outta here alive so life without bacon is not part of my ‘aging with grace’ plan. I’m in…lol