The Name Game
How important are our designations?
The ‘name game’ is a topic that I’ve been itching to reopen* for a while now, but before we do? Let me tell you a little story…
In a 2023 miniseries on the Showtime network, there’s a scene where a character named Bonnie Sue bails her adult son out of jail. After he got into the car she started chastising him, while continuing - as if to goad him - to refer to him as ‘Vernon’, which was his given name. She was doing this despite his near-obsessive demands that she instead address him by the new name he had taken for himself.
For context, Vernon had experienced a rough upbringing. Lied to about who his mother was until the age of five and later treated abhorrently by his step-father, he spent his entire life seeking an identity. Through a series of personal events he discovered a name which solidified his view of himself, one he felt captured his very essence.
That name was ‘David,’ and as far as the man formerly known of ‘Vernon’ was concerned, that was who he was. David.
David Koresh.
As the fictionalized scene** described-above unfolded, a heated argument broke out between mother and son over this name game. After he spitefully threatened to walk out of her life (keeping his children - her grandchildren - away from her), she begrudgingly capitulated to his wishes.
From that point forward, she never addressed him as ‘Vernon’ again.
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Throughout my life I have been fascinated by the concept of 'names' - how they enhance our identity in an increasingly-gentrified world, and why they are so important to us. A 2022 incident, the doxxing of the woman known as 'Libs of TikTok' [LoT], really got me thinking about how much power these designations of ours hold, and how said-power manifests.
For those unfamiliar with the example above: A particularly nasty individual (we’ll call her Taylor Lorenz) discovered the legal name of the individual behind the LoT account, and not only released said-name but then repetitively - with hateful intent - used it publicly.
Lorenz did so so in an attempt to silence LoT, to use the knowledge of her ‘real’ name to exert and establish dominance over her. A vile action, to be certain, but a case-study nonetheless on how our designations are very much a source of power.
A power which should be respected.
Whether we acknowledge it or not names have always had this power, as each is charged with a unique, ethereal energy all its own. There are numerous historical instances through which this can be seen, across various times and places.
For example, in ancient cultures a child would oft be granted two names by their mother: A name that everyone used to talk to and about them, and their ‘true’ name that only the mother knew. This was believed to protect the child from ‘evil spirits,’ for if such entities did not know a child’s ‘true’ name they could not harm said-child.
But we do not have to travel back into antiquity - nor explore the mystical realms - to see examples. Take, for instance, a once popular phrase, spoken (usually with indignation) when someone used your name but you did not know theirs.
“You have me at a disadvantage.”
Now why would someone be at a disadvantage for not knowing the others' name?' Because, on a very primal level, names have power.
Do you think I am exaggerating? Try working a retail job where you have to wear a name badge, and note how customers will use your name with authority. You can feel them trying to overrun and/or manipulate you, through the tone of their voice as they speak your name. They know instinctively that they have you at ‘a disadvantage’… and they abuse said-knowledge to try to bend you to their will.
If you are still unconvinced, consider for a moment modern relationships. How many times have you been ‘renamed’ by a loved one? We call them ‘pet names,’ and they are normally harmless - even beneficial - when voluntary, for such names can help create a unique bond between the two people involved.
In malevolent situations, however (both romantic or otherwise), such renaming can also serve to covertly establish dominance or even ownership, a situation which never ends well for the renamed.
And speaking of ‘ownership’? Do you really think that, throughout the history of involuntary bondage, slave owners renamed their ‘property’ for the sake of mere convenience? No - it was a grotesque method of stripping them of their identity, and to exert absolute ‘control’ over them.
One of the more famous examples of the name game can be found in the 1990s. Legendary musical artist Prince, due to a contract dispute with Warner Bros. (his recording label), briefly changed his name to an unpronounceable symbol. He accused the label of claiming ownership of the name ‘Prince’, and took what steps he felt were necessary to reclaim his true ‘self’.
And despite disdain and ridicule from our always holier-than thou media, he was ultimately successful.
There are other instances to consider, too. Nicknames conjured from situations good and bane, the bestowing of a new name after a spiritual ritual, assuming the surname of a spouse after being wed, applying a new 'alias' for artistic or literary purposes, and many more scenarios - powerful, life-altering actions, in almost every case.
In this vein, I will provide one final example: Me.
Perhaps you are unaware of this, but ‘Stone’ is not my ‘legal’ name, and seldom do people in the physical world refer to me as such. I adopted it nearly three-decades ago, based on a nickname from my teenage years, initially to use in my writing and online communications.
In the time since, however, something changed. While it is not my 'government-sanctioned’ name, it has become me… the true ‘me.’ Simply put… I am Stone.
Due to that, it now makes me uncomfortable when people refer to me by my given name, for it feels like they are talking to a stranger. And if a person started calling me by my legal name (or worse, a nickname they chose for me) without my consent, I would consider it highly - and deliberately - offensive.
It would also let me know I was dealing with a toxic, treacherous spirit. And who has time for that?
As such, I've decided to make a conscious effort to respect the way people wish to be addressed. Whether it is a unique nickname or an anonymous screen-name, or a name which (like the above-situation with Prince) reflects changes or struggles they are going through… the reason doesn’t matter. It just makes sense to show respect, and call them the name they want to hear and see.
After all, a part of Tri-Con (my take on Natural Law) includes the absolute, “What one sends out will return to them.” Therefore, if I am going to expect others to honor my wishes… I have to project that same vibe.
In other words, “You get what you give.” And since I know that particular saying is unvarnished truth, it seems sensible for me to give what I actually want to get.
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Previous Drops For Context
A ‘Page’ from my upcoming book
More on Koresh, and the event which made him famous
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Notes
-- * This is a heavily-altered version of an article first published in mid-2023. I was never satisfied with the original piece, so I decided to rewrite and expand it for this ‘repost.’
-- ** From the series “Waco: The Aftermath”
-- Special thanks to Nina Khosla, for her editing expertise.
-- Additional thanks to Raesa, who proofread the original drop.
-- Unless otherwise credited, all images were generated by the author via NightCafe, Grok 3 [X], or Substack’s AI Image Tool, with digital alterations when desired or needed.
-- Any memes created by the author will have a “The Stone Age” watermark attached; all other memes were snatched from various sources on the Internet.
Wow~I loved this. I read the Natural Law post you linked. I believe the same thing and cannot believe you used an image depicting the word temperance as I have written about the importance of temperance in my journal. Just….wow. I am so glad I found your Substack. It’s the needle in the haystack these days. Song of the day- Radiohead Karma Police…for those of us who want to keep our karma clean.
In grade two, my teacher called upon me to answer a question using the name Gwyn. I didn't pay any attention to her until she came to my desk and asked why I hadn't answered. I stood up and informed her that my name was Gwyneth. She complained to my mother who also informed her that my name was Gwyneth.
Using a person's preferred name is a verbal expression of respect for their identity and until one becomes an intimate of that person, the formal name, not a nickname should be used until permission is granted for that intimacy. (I sound like Miss Manners 🤣)