Yesterdays
Lyrical verse from the past
This poem was written in 2007, during what I refer to as my ‘dark poet’ era; needless to say, this is not a ‘happy’ vibe. Which is very odd in retrospect, because in the moment when I wrote it? I recall genuinely being in a pretty good mood.
Yeah, it was a strange time for me.
With that noted, on to the poem…
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Yesterdays
I feel I’m coming… to a crossroads…
and I don’t like what I see.
Piss-poor decisions,
bad investments,
the choices made are haunting me.
I stand here all alone…
in the maelstrom called my life,
I did not get a manual of wrong
compared to right,
I feel complete abandon and
I cannot make the sense,
of what is coming closer because
of empty confidence,
so I’ll take another stroll along the path
that swirls and sways
and try to fight the pain of yesterdays.
I feel I’m coming… to the harvest…
and I’m reaping what I’ve sown.
Hurt delivered,
the lives I’ve damaged,
to the degree I’ve trashed my own.
The family and friends…
that I believed in disappeared,
the ones that I have trusted went away
just as I feared,
those I should have cherished got
ignored and pushed aside,
the map I’ve called my instincts
proved to be a lousy guide,
so I’ll keep moving in and out and
meander through this maze
and try to fight the pull of yesterdays.
I feel I’m coming… to the edge now,
and a gulf I can’t surpass.
Desperation…
hopeless spirit,
loneliness - present and past.
I cannot wrap my mind around…
how I ended up with this,
the future of my youth that
dissipated in the mist,
Can’t escape the fear of the anguish
that’s in store,
and the thought that every sunset
will repeat the one before,
so I’ll muster up the courage as
I approach another phase
and try to fight the loss of yesterdays.
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Concluding Thoughts
I do want to make an important note about this poem: I do not live in this ‘place’ any longer - this is a snapshot in time, and not in a particularly joyous time. I do find it interesting, however, when I am reminded that I once wrote words such as these; when I read them anew, it gives me a chance to reflect on how far I really have come… and how far I still have to go.
To know where you’re going, remember where you’ve been, as the old saw goes. So if you find yourself in a dark place in the here and now, you can get through it; there is hope. One moment at a time, one step at a time, is all that it takes.
Thank you for reading…
Notes…
-- “Yesterdays” written December, 2007.
-- Unless otherwise credited, all images were created by the author, using Substack’s AI Image Generator.
That is beautiful! The pain, the pull, and the loss of yesterdays! Thank you for sharing it. And so glad you have passed thru that time or maybe I should say by sharing it and possibly helping someone else to have hope you have redeemed that time.
I know this place.
Not a place to set up camp or build a homestead, but most certainly a necessary stop along the way...lending to us the depth and dimension required for journeying the rest of the road.❤️